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Supercenter hot is not like regular-people hot June 11, 2010

Posted by Erin F. Wasinger in Being a mama.

I promised myself I wasn’t going to agonize over losing the baby weight this time, but what are promises good for? BREAKIN’.

So this morning, like every week since the second week after we thrust Violet into this cold, harsh world, I attempted to coerce my regular jeans back on my body’s new mom shape. The first time I put my toes into the leg holes, that’s about as far as it got. I also died a little bit inside, but that is to be expected when you are counting on a pair of jeans to remind you that you will someday be able to sleep eight hours again. And socialize. And hold a conversation that doesn’t end mid-sentence with “what was I saying?” Lesson learned: You can’t rely on a pair of jeans for emotional support.

Moving on: I rebounded quickly by week four when I could pull them up to my thighs — small victories — and I took last week off because the Wii told me I’d gained weight and I was wallowing in my own tent-like dresses.

Today, I dragged Alice in Violet’s closet where my skinny clothes lie in exile and I again dug them out of the Rubbermaid container. And with much cajoling, THEY BUTTONED (with much tucking and sucking in and and muffin top and walking with stick-straight legs back to Dave, who was feeding Violet a bottle in her room). Sitting down would’ve resulted in all its seams screaming “NO! DON’T! WOMAN! Noooo!” These are not street-legal pants.

“Dave,” I drawled in my best trashy voice to fit the part of the high-waist-moms-jeans-wearing sausage. “You wanna hit up the totally rad Whitesnake concert later?”

“Oh yeah! Look at you.” He did not mean that in the good way.

The world will be happy to know that since I was missing my banana clip (and a love for ’80s bands) I traded those jeans for pants with a hidden adjustable feature in the waistband.

The good news: I can be ready for a trip to everyone’s favorite supercenter with 5 minutes’ notice. It will take me 5 minutes to squeeze back into those jeans, but when I do, baby: HOT. SUPERCENTER HOT.



1. Nicole - June 11, 2010

So, I should be looking for you on peopleofwalmart.com ? 🙂

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