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Maybe Alice can convince No. 2 to show up early April 19, 2010

Posted by Erin F. Wasinger in Being a mama, Kind of unreasonable.
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“Alice, come here and talk to the baby,” I said. She lifted up my shirt to peek at my belly.

“HI BABY,” she said.

“Tell the baby to get out.”

“BABY! OUT! GET OUT BABY! GET OUT BABY!” she said.

“Louder!”

“GET OUT BABY!”

And so the eviction notice was issued yesterday. I decided I’ve had it. About every hour last night, that sentiment was repeated as I switched from one side to the other in bed, trying to keep my legs and hips from aching and tingling. “GET OUT, BABY.”

I’ve had it.

I’m a bad mother for admitting this, but it must be said: I resent this baby for taking her precious time. I resent sharing my whale-like body, I resent the extreme fatigue, the heartburn, the aches and pains and the inability to concentrate on an-y-thing for longer than 2 minutes.

No. 2 still has about two weeks, during which she’s allowed to gather her things into boxes, clean the apartment she’s called home for almost 10 months, send in her change-of-address forms … But I — and now Alice, and by extension poor Dave (who is tired of my attitude, my weeping, my moodiness, my lumbering movements) — am ready to move on with the next phase of my life: sleeplessness, weight loss, and — my favorite — complaining about sleeplessness and weight loss.

GET OUT, BABY.

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Comments»

1. Nicole - April 19, 2010

I’m telling ya, this weekend. My phone will be attached to my hip at all times!


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