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She’s got a ticket to ride, she’s got a ticket to ri-hi-hide December 19, 2009

Posted by Erin F. Wasinger in Being a mama, Kind of unreasonable.
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Tomorrow we’ll open presents, just the three of us and the dog, and we’ll oooh and aaaahhh over her new MagnaDoodle and her new instruments. I’ll ooohh and aaaahhh over “alcohol removed” wine and pretend it makes the muscles in my shoulders relax and my face grow red and warm, just like the real thing. I’m a very convincing NA wine drinker.

Tomorrow night we’ll see Santa Claus and take the photo I’ve been plotting — the screaming, terrified kid photo, because I am that kind of mother — and we’ll eat pizza and probably watch “Rudolph,” because that’s what we do.

And then I’ll be expected to sleep, like normal.

Despite my low-key approach to this pregnancy — I have not Googled one thing one time, GO ME — I am nervously excited about Monday’s ultrasound appointment. Watching the image on the screen means I’ll find out if we’re calling this thing by our predetermined boy’s name or if there are phone calls with lawyers in our future over choosing a girl’s name. It’s also science’s way of smacking me in the face as if to point out that second chin I was growing? Yeah, that one, the one that goes so well with that beach ball I’ve been carrying around? It’s A BABY. A REAL ONE. With strong lungs and probably its own colicky temperament and likely a button nose put there by God so you sometimes forget about the colic.

Ohhh, a second baby is what I wanted, but if I were the amusement park type I’d likely describe this moment of life as that fear that gives you goosebumps before you step on the ride — the kind that makes your fingers grow so cold that when your shaky hands push back your hair, your fingertips feel like ice on your scalp. The kind that tastes like cotton in your mouth, and sits like lead in your stomach, because you know. Oh, you know: While there might be enjoyable moments when you’re hanging upside down (or after giving birth), there’s also a strong chance you’re going to throw up all over yourself and wish you’d stayed home instead (where you’d just gotten your daughter to pick up after herself and sleep til 8 a.m.).

But you paid for that ticket and it was expensive and so you’re riding the damn ride, and you’re going to SMILE when you’re doing it! WE ARE MAKING MEMORIES, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

And that, in conclusion, is what this is like for me.

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