A nightly occurrence June 12, 2009
Posted by erinfrances in Bad ideas, Being a mama.trackback
Eating’s never been the problem. When food gets put on her tray, her arms go straight out like a scare crow’s, her gums get clenched together and she, for lack of an appropriate verb, bops in her high chair with, for lack of a less geeky word, glee.
Kid loves food.
Kid doesn’t love waiting for said food, and this is where my lack of parenting skills comes in.
Did you know, dear reader, that there are people who teach their kids how to speak in sign language? These kids want milk, they make some weird sign that says “Excuse me, Mother? When you have a second, I’d like some milk. No rush! Just whenever you have time.”
That’s preposterous.
My 1-year-old doesn’t know the difference between “mother” and “nose.” (She’ll grab for the dog if you say “Where’s Big?”, but if you say “where’s Mom?” she’ll hit her head … Babies are strange.)
Anyhow, instead of a polite little sign, Alice likes to whine. She’s perfected the constant drone, the series of short grunts, the fake cry. She’ll start somewhere around T minus two pieces remaining on her tray, and crescendo when her tray’s empty, and continue with her animal-like wail til there is again soggy, shredded up food she can hide chipmunk-style in her cheeks.
Once, I tried teaching her the sign for “more” using some inane mailer with an overpriced diaper’s cheap coupon that promised something like “enhance communication between mother and baby” (which is crap, apparenly). “More?” I said, and showed her the piece of hot dog in my palm, and then the sign from the pamphlet. Dave did the sign, and I gave him “more.” We continued our monkey-see game til the dog was even grasping the trick, but Alice sat there in her high chair and wailed.
“Mmmmmeeehmmm-aaahhhaaaa-MMMMMMM! EHHHHHH!” Meaning, of course, “HOT DOG. NOW. MOVE IT.” So we gave her the hot dog and ate our own, and watched as the dominos resembling years of bad parenting fell in a line before our perplexed eyes.
Is this a problem? I don’t know. Did I just lock in a sweet deal for a pony in a few years? I’m afraid we may have. Whoops.
You say “Mom” and she bonks her head… that is because you’re supposed to be a mind reader and understand that she will be wanting more dinner in two minutes. You should already be on that because you’re *head bonk* Mom!