First-time parents’ dirty little secrets July 14, 2008
Posted by erinfrances in Being a mama, So married, The baby.Tags: baby, colic, motherhood
trackback
Maybe they saw that look of desperation in my eyes, or maybe they could smell it the way dogs smell fear. Either way, my stepmom and my dad offered to babysit Sunday at the condo they rented on Lake Winnebago so Dave and I could go out to dinner. Alone. Before the colic started, I would’ve said “No, that’s OK. But thanks.” But my stepmom hadn’t even gotten to the “free of charge” portion of the offer before I was weeping tears of joy and singing “thank you” and “there is a God, amenamenamen.”
After spending the day at their condo on the lake, we made our way to our destination, thinking about what we’d do with our free hours. We held our time alone together in our hands, like a baby bird we stumbled upon and decided to nurture and love and pet before it’d ultimately die in a shoebox — it was that precious.
“You know what we should do? Grab a cheeseburger from McDonald’s and then park somewhere,” he said.
“AND SLEEP FOR TWO HOURS! Oh, I love you, that sounds delicious,” I said.
We didn’t. But damn if that wasn’t tempting.
Since we got all dressed up — me in my best maternity clothes and Dave in a shirt with a starched collar — we went to the same place where, in October, he’d said “Let’s never have kids, ha ha,” when we heard a baby crying at the next table. Where, two seconds later, I’d swirled my cabernet in my class and said “Um, about that … I think I might be pregnant.” Where, a second later, he started breathing again and said “Nuh-uh. Already?” Where, 30 minutes later, we left to procure the test that led to this whole baby thing.
This time around, I told a secret of a different variety.
“Can I tell you something really horrible?” I whispered over our ravioli (moi) and filet (him). “At this moment, I don’t miss her.”
He laughed. He got it. But really. I meant it.
Oh, WHAT? No one with a colicky baby would be able to look at me with a straight face and say they didn’t feel the same way at some point during those fussy weeks, months. No one.
And holding her when we got back, it was like a new mama. That crying didn’t pierce my eardrums quite as much, and that beady-eyed panic was gone from my eyes.
I needed that.
This is why you’re my favorite mom. Because you’re honest.
Oh, and because I want dibs on Alice should anything ever happen to you and Dave.
I think just being honest enough to flat out say it, helps even more…I fought with those feelings…instead of just allowing myself to have them because I thought it was “wrong”. I agree, NO MOM that has dealt with Colic will ever tell you differently. You love your baby, no doubt..but it would be very easy to give her away sometimes and ask for her back when she’s gotten thru with all of that! Really for your sake and hers!!! But because we are moms, we push on, and the rewards soon will come! Like when that once colicky crying non stop baby, looks at you and says, with her hands on your face, “i love you muma”…you’ll see why you made it thru those days!!
PS.how is the new formula working?
I hesitate to say the new formula’s working — she’s had two really good days.
BUT, we’ve also had two days with family, who held her and passed her around and she spent time outside … So I’m not sure if she just slept more because she was tired or what. We’ll see how this week goes … *Crossing my fingers*
I’ve got a couple extra cat beds laying around that could come in handy as makeshift cribs should you need to send her away to Camp Krista’s for a while. Say, four years, or so.
I hesitated to EVER say our daugther was getting better! I totally get that. But that is good to hear about the formula. It could take a little while too for her little system to adjust and feel better as well. And even if it was becasue family was there, she got tired out, others held her, what a nice little break for you, and your “date”! Sometimes its just the refresher you need to get you thru a few more rough times. How is she sleeping at night? Is she going for longer stretches now? That’s what always made me wonder how much actual colic our daughter had, because at night she did sleep fairly well. Sometimes after a middle of the night feeding it was hard for her to go right back to sleep, but it wasn’t what all the books said about colic either, that they’d scream from say 5pm to 2am…so that’s what made me think about other things being wrong with her!
She is going to make you an even better writer than you already are. Get ready for fame.
I’m so glad you and Dave had some “alone” time. That is very healthy. Even if it is to nap. I remember wanting to do the same thing when my parents offered to take the kids. I tell you what – you can have my two boys for an afternoon and I’ll take Alice. We’ll do a kid swap. I’ll take crying over whinning any day.
For our 3rd year wedding anniversary my mom came and spent the night with the baby and we went to a hotel 5 minutes away and SLEPT. All I ask for is one good night’s sleep each year.
I’m so glad that you got a break. Maybe Alice sent her fussies over here because I’ve been living with a wild animal for the past few days. This is the super-expensive formula that seems to be working, right?
I was thinking about asking for a free session of all-night babysitting for Christmas so Dave and I could escape to some cheap hotel. Don’t get me wrong — it’d be solely for sleeping.
OK, and maybe cable-watching.
But sleeping first and foremost.