Hear my desperation July 10, 2008
Posted by erinfrances in The baby.Tags: baby, colic, motherhood
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Last time we went to the pediatrician’s office, I was terrified about Alice’s crying. I thought the other unlucky souls in the waiting room would stare and whisper about what a bad mother I was from behind their expired issues of Parents magazine.
This time, I couldn’t care less. This wailing? This flashing and thrashing and overall misery pouring out of this little 9-pound body? THIS IS WHAT I DO ALL DAY. YOU, old man, can complain all you want, I thought. YOU, girl, will ask for birth control on this visit. I know this, because I will be begging for copious amounts of it myself Tuesday. Um, anyhow.
We paced the waiting room and three nurses came over, one at a time, to make sure we weren’t pulling her fingernails out one by one. A woman in a suit came out to see if she could help in any way, and I belatedly thought someone must have dialed Child Services. But even suited woman didn’t want to touch this case with a 39 1/2-foot pole. Alice wailed like she does, like I’m both used to and exhausted from, the ENTIRE time.
Well, that’s not true. She did have a five-minute silent spell when she made a mess on the doctor. Whoops. I didn’t really have enough energy to even apologize for that one. I just scooped it up and rolled with it. (AND I ONCE HAD HOBBIES, REMEMBER.)
The conclusion? Our kind, gentle pediatrician (and I’m not even being sarcastic) said he’s reluctant to admit it’s colic yet, before trying a few other switches. So, this week we’re trying Nutramigen, which is the formula equivalent of feeding your child caviar. Flown in from Spain. Twice a week. On a private jet. Owned by Donald Trump. A jet made of nothing but gold flecks. Flecks flown in from Africa on their own gold-flecked jets.
Anyhow. By next week, if we’re still wishing we’d gotten that bonus tubes-tying surgery done while we were birthing last month, the doctor said we’d stop that and try Prevacid.
Selfishly, I’m hoping the Nutramigen doesn’t work. I KNOW, what kind of mother AM I, to want her kid on medicine? Oh, I don’t know. A poor one? One who hears “Nutramigen costs about $50 a week,” and “your insurance will cover Prevacid.”
Money is SO ANNOYING. So is the growing collection of formula in our cupboard.
I came over to check on you and this brought tears to my eyes.
Please know that something will work. That what you have, right there, screaming down the walls, is an extraordinary person in the making.
(everyone I ever confessed colic to always told me that any child they’d ever known with colic became an incredible person. My brother had it – he is a wonderful, admirable person and Teacher of the Year).
I will tell you, I think there is something to this. And I am so glad that she did it in front of the doctor. Validation.
Excuse me, to those with virgin ears. But. FUCK. A friend of mine has a little guy who was on Nutramigen because he pukes ALL THE TIME. And he’s been on it for 2 months now… still puking. That stuff is so incredibly expensive it’s ridiculous (and she has a 6 month old who weighs almost 23 pounds – he eats A LOT) Ask for LOTS and LOTS of samples. They should be able to get them for you – if this works. Being a poor mother, too, I would pray for the medication too – although I know you’re praying for SOMETHING to work. Hang in there Erin (and Dave!).
This is the first time I have posted but I have been following your blog for a few weeks. My first (now 4) had colic and I remember how overwhelming it was. I remember crying with him many times. One of the things that helped us was a baby massage class. It really seemed to calm him down. The doctors office hooked me up with it. It was through St Mary’s Hospital in Green Bay. I’m sure there is something in your area. Massage, running the vacuum constantly, and the baby swing got us through those first 3 months.
Also, definately ask for samples of the Nutramigen. I work at a Pediatrician’s office and they do have them. My first also had to be on it for awhile and I was able to get a few samples to help with the cost. (People complain about the profits that oil companies make but I’m wondering what kind of profits these formula companies make – the price of Nutramigen or its competitor Alimentum is just outrageous!) And don’t worry about the baby crying in the waiting room – whenever I’m working and I hear those newborns I just wish I could help. Most people are very understanding.
Oh dear. I’m so sorry. About all of it. I think what you’re feeling makes perfect sense. Just thinking about how exhausted and strung out you must be makes me weep. Seriously. You are doing a great job, a fabulous job. I wish I could come give you a break.
Derek was on the caviar of all formula’s too. It’s funny you wrote that because that is what we called it. It is very expensive! We would walk out of the Dr. office with a grocery bag full of samples. PLEASE ask for samples. Six years ago they didn’t make the big economy container like the other formula’s. So we were running to the store very often after checking the couch cushion’s for loose change. Don’t worry – his allowance now is paying us back. ha ha! We did Zantac with the Nutramigen. We also put some cereal in his formula to weigh it down a little (per our pediatrician). His spit up wasn’t so forceful then and his tummy was fuller making him sleep longer
I have no advice, but wanted to send you big hugs through the interweb. It’ll get better!
I would be on a train, with an assumed name, with a ticket paid in cash if I didn’t have this blog to vent and to hear reassurances from you guys.
Oh Erin. Let’s get together next week. I’ll bring wine. I don’t care if she screams the whole time.
ugh, I just had this huge message for you….and it got LOST somehow. Anyway, same formula we had our daughter on, and it did help, in time….just do give it some time…along with the medicine. And I completely understand where you are coming from with wanting the medicine…I BEGGED and BEGGED for it too. Those combinations…and time, and healing for baby because her little insides are obviously hurting, will make things better. I know I can promise you that. I know, it totally and completely SUCKS right now and you probably hate motherhood, its ok, I seriously did. I seriously thought what was I thinking…I am SOOO not cut out to be a mother….but then it got better, and better, and just keeps gettting better. I can promise you, having lived thru almost a mirror image of what you are going thru, there is an end in sight. There is. And in the meantime, you have all of us strangers here for you, well, maybe I am the only stranger, but I am here!
Mandy — I’m so there. And she may scream the whole time. That I can promise.
Jane — Nope! We’re pretty well almost all strangers. But strangers who know what to say, cuz they’ve been there. THANK GOD. I can’t wait til I go to the OB’s on Tuesday, because I have a feeling I’ll have a lot to say, or sob about, when she asks “So, how’ve you been?” “LET ME TELL YOU, LADY,” I’ll say. “I don’t know how I got here without some help. Please. Help.”
Someone told me once that for moms, the days are long but the time is short. I always thought that was a stupid cliche. Then I had Alice. It’s so true.
Erin, Evan was on Nutramigen…I could just cry for you, I know how tired you, Dave and Alice are…and how frustrating it is not to be able to make Alice feel better. Are you able to get any time to yourself?
If your OB is anything like mine, she’ll know once you start crying that you need something to help. I felt bad about it at first, but my OB told me that it was like a diabetic needing their medication, that me needing a little “happy medicine” was completely ok. And it was, and it did help out, dramatically, and at the same time CHloee started getting better also.
I also never mentioned that with my daughter, my husband was working nights also, or 2nd shift, 10 hour days…ugh…that only made it even worse…yet another reason why reading about your life is like looking back in time at mine. I can’t count the times I called my husband at work crying…and knowing there was NOTHING he could do, I mean, deep down inside I had hoped he’d say, “ok, I’ll just come home every time you need me, who cares if I get fired” but that wasn’t reality. When the “black cloud” of this situation lightens and everyone is doing better, you will feel like you are super mom for having survived it, and you WILL be supermom! And let me tell you, the bond I have with my daughter now because of what we both went thru together, is inseperable and beyond words!
The only good thing about Dave working second shift is that if I’ve had a bad evening/ night with her, I can wake up and feed her at 6 a.m., then say “OK, your turn, Dave,” and go to the library or take a walk or something before he has to go to work at 1 p.m. — though I’d trade that in a heartbeat for “normal” hours.
Hi. I don’t know you but came by your blog from a friend’s blog. I just wanted to tell you tha I am sorry for your situation. My own baby had GERD and Gastroparesis (slow stomach emptying) and would scream while eating. We used Prevacid and it helped. I hope that it will help your little Alice. Good luck, I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
Erin, Sorry to hear about Alice’s colic. Let me tell you that Ava had it too. I kept going to the doctor and they told me to live with it and sleep when she would sleep, but she never slept! Ever! Nobody understands until they have been through it. Anyway, I ended up taking Ava to the chiropractor and he had me switch her formula to Alimentum. Very expensive but definitely worth it. The doctor was not happy that I did it but the chiropractor was the one that was able to feel her tummy and tell me what was going on with her digestion, constipation, etc. The chiroprator also looked her over along her spine and body parts and was able to tell me about my delivery and was very accurate. Not sure if this would work for Alice, but I had to share because colic SUCKS! and I tried everything.
Just let me know your favorite wine and pick a night. And, I SERIOUSLY DON’T CARE. I know you probably just need someone to sit through that with you once and awhile. Everything is better in teams. Even crying. (Hi, I’ve been a crybaby since I was born. This I know. Maybe I could even teach Alice a few things about it).
I agree to ask for samples. I’ve also heard some insurance companies will cover the super expensive formulas, which is worth a shot. Finally. have everyone you know sign up for Enfamil coupons. I know they send out Nutramigan coupons too, and everyone can collect them and mail them to you. Every little bit helps, right?
I hope you find something that works for you so you can have some relief.